My Immortal
by Loopylou
Summary: Companion piece to Unwind. Lee's take on that talk. Spoilers for late S2.


**Disclaimer-- The song used in this fic is not mine. It is My Immortal by Evanescence. No money is being made from its use. The characters are likewise not mine.**

**A/N- This is for Yannik. Hope you enjoy it.**

My Immortal 

Lee walked slowly, mind elsewhere. The uniform tunic he wore was unfastened and slightly rumpled. His hair was untidy. It looked like he hadn't brushed it for a couple of days. A few reports hung in his hand, but he wasn't thinking about them. His mind was working on other problems.

A flash of blonde hair brought him back. He would bet a week's sleep that it was Kara's. They had been avoiding each other since the shooting. It was hard not being close to her, if not friends, then at least allies. Speeding up, he caught the door before she could lock it. He slipped around the door, locking it before she could protest. The things they needed to say to each other would be said in private.

"Kara." He said. "We need to talk." He blamed the hollow feeling in his stomach on lack of food, not nerves. His voice came out stronger than he had thought possible, and he was grateful for that. He was tired of avoiding Kara, tired of the lies and hurt between them.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone _

She sighed heavily. "Lee, please…"

He tried to be firm, voice failing him so the words came out little more than a whisper. "No. It's not going to work this time, Kara." he would have said more, but his voice caught. Blinking away the tears that suddenly flooded his eyes, he knew that this was going to be harder than he'd thought. It had always been easier to be mad at her than admit he cared. That would change now.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

"I said I was sorry, Lee." She crossed her arms. "It's not my fault if you can't accept it!"

"I have accepted it. I know it was an accident." Despite all of his self control, his hand crept to the healing wound. "I want you to forgive yourself." He drew in a ragged breath, then another, composing himself. "You need to get over this, Kara. You can't blame yourself for ever."

"And what if I can't?" She whispered.

Crossing the distance in between them, he trapped her against the counter with an arm on each side of her. She backed up as far as she could, but couldn't break the contact between them. He leaned a little closer, using his good arm to support most of his weight. Being so close to her seemed to increase the hurt in him, but he didn't back away. Sometimes, the best way to heal a wound was to reopen it. Steeling himself with a deep breath, he asked the question he most wanted the answer to.

"What are you so scared of, Kara?" He asked softly, using a gentle hand under her chin to lift her eyes to meet his. She resisted for a moment, only giving in when he didn't take his hand away.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years   
But you still have  
All of me _

She closed her eyes before she could answer him. "Nothing." Her voice was so soft, she didn't know if she spoke the word or just thought it.

"Tell me." He insisted, still holding her captive against the counter. He would let her go when she answered him.

"I'm not the person you think I am. I can't be the person you want me to be."

"Why not?" He said, pushing her. He took no pleasure from the hurt expression on her face.

"I hurt the people that I love." She blurted out. "Zack died because of me. You almost died because of me. I'm bad luck. I'm bad for you."

"I chose to forgive you. You need to forgive yourself." The pain inside of him flared then, and he felt a rush of sorrow for her. It must be so hard to go through life blaming yourself for everything that went wrong.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me _

"Why? Why let me off the hook, Lee?" She snapped, sudden anger driving away lethargy. Her eyes blazed with it.

"Why not? You're better at punishing yourself than anything else would be." He said, wishing he could take back the words before he'd even finished speaking. They were sure to hurt her.

He didn't get a chance to even say he was sorry. Her face changed, shifting as she fought for control of her emotions. She couldn't get it. Her knees collapsed. He caught her, wound hurting. He welcomed that slight pain. He felt he deserved it for what he had just said.

He ran a gentle hand over her hair. "Let it go, Kara. Let it go." He joined in with her, weeping tears of his own. He didn't know if she noticed. They clung to each other, taking comfort, giving comfort.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along _

Sitting there, on that cold floor with Kara's tears soaking into his shirt, he felt his heart break. They had endured so much. He didn't know how much more they could take. She wasn't like glass, delicate and easy to break, but like steel, melting and changing under the pressures life threw at them. The cracks were there, they were just invisible to all but the most observant person.

She was still leaning against him, knees drawn to her chest as she caught her breath.

"Kara?" He asked, voice so uncertain that she half turned to glance at his face. "Are you okay? Are we okay?"

She sighed, a peaceful sound. "I am. I think we are." The words had a ring of truth to them that was impossible to fake. Standing, she lent down, holding out a hand to him.

He took it, and she pulled him to his feet. Before she could react, he drew her into a hug. "Thank you Kara." He whispered into her ear. "Thank you."

He didn't know what had been missing from his soul, but that missing piece had finally come home. They had both started out damaged, and only become whole with the help of each other.


End file.
